The majority of people are dissatisfied with at least one area of their life. The top dying regret is not living a life that is true to themselves. Our life is a result of a continuous reinvention process. It’s never as predictable as we’d like it to be which is in contrast to the way our logical mind works. Logic predicts based on a cause and effect relationship.

We regard our future as simply a forecast of our past. Although there are consequential aspects of our past that we may have to deal with in the future, we always have options to restart our lives.

In the present moment, we have the power and opportunities to recreate a different future. Even when dealing with the aftermath of our past decisions and actions, we have opportunities to alter certain facets of them.

Self-love has been increasingly recognized as the essential ingredient for having a successful and loving relationship. There is so much hype to promote and inspire those who had been in toxic relationships to uplevel their future love experience through harnessing the power of self-love.

A vast range of information about self-love and how to practice it are readily available. But we are still yet to unpack the deeper guidance of true self-love embodiment. This is apparent in the increasing number of bullying, toxic relationships, and harassment that are currently happening in the world right now. Sadly, self-love is not taught at school despite being part of essential life survival skills.

“Arrgghhh… Monday again! I can’t wait for the weekend.” My co-worker replied, “Why do you wish your life away?” His question stunned me for a moment because I knew how much struggle I had to be at work every day. I was bullied at work and I wasn’t happy at home. Looking forward to the weekend was simply an escape from reality.

The deeper truth is I didn’t dare to show up fully in my life. I refused to face the challenges and make the adjustments required to upgrade my life. Stuck in the hard and rock place of unfulfilling career and relationship. I wasn’t living, I was merely existing.

That moment of realization was a gentle nudge from the Universe to remind me, that I have options in life. A year later, I had a spiritual awakening. I woke up from the false reality of my life. And the beginning of my transformational journey — a road less traveled. I started to ask a better question; how I can design a life that I never need to take a vacation from!

If you are a perfectionist like me, we incline to push ourselves harder. We are ambitious and set high expectations (unrealistic, at times). And when we couldn’t meet this expectation, we beat ourselves up. This created self-inflicted pain through shame, regret, or resentment.

Alongside, the belief of I am not good enough is reinforced each time we had to go through this. Yet, this self-abusive treatment is our source of failure. Our avoidance of this pain demotivates us from taking actions or decisions. We become a procrastinator and overthinker because we need to get all our ducks in the row before taking the next step.

As a single mum with a busy lifestyle and striving to get the best mum award, I struggled to meet all my children’s needs and mine on daily basis, from physical health to emotional health, from education to entertainment. I don’t have enough time and attention daily to accommodate my personal, family, and business commitments.

To ease off some challenges, I learned to prioritize and delegate. I work through my daily list and rate its importance and identify any opportunities to delegate it to others. This practice started my quest to find what my children truly need that cannot be delegated to others. And the answer is emotional fulfillment through unconditional love. Love is one essential need and desire which every kid needs from their parent.

Do you feel guilty saying NO to others?

Do you feel the need to justify when declining others’ requests?

Do you feel angry because others disrespect your wishes?

If you say YES to any of the above questions then you need to consider your assertiveness around boundaries. A healthy boundary is a foundation of self-love. A boundary is an energetic barrier which distinguishes your responsibility, value, tolerance, and standard from others’ expectations and demands. The aim of setting boundaries is to teach others how to treat you with love, care, and respect. Self-love requires a strong and healthy boundary. As Lao Tzu said, “love is a decision, not an emotion.” Hence, practicing self-love is a decision that you must take each time with the end goal of choosing and treating yourself as a priority.

Carl Jung once said, “Life does begin at forty. Up until then, you are just doing research.”

I am fully resonated with this proverb! There is something about being 40.. wiser, more mature, and a big shift in my consciousness. My perceptions and beliefs about life changed dramatically. This adjusted my behaviors, attitudes, priorities, and approach towards life and others.

I focus more on my personal growth and spirituality. My inner work helped me to gain a deeper understanding about myself and what I truly desire from life. I have no regrets about my past. They were right for me and shaped me into a better version of myself. Yet, when I look back through life, I would like to pass on my pearls of wisdom to my daughters. If I knew them around my 20s, they would have enriched my life experience.

Sex (including intimacy) and money are commonly used to define our level of power, social status, and worth. They are both sensitive topics of discussion in all kinds of relationships. In most cultures, they are even considered taboo and not suitable for an open discussion. Both are the most desirable objects and tap into human greed.

Most relationships break up are caused by sex and money. They share one common denominator, being a tangible application of trust. Trust is a pillar in a relationship, without it you cannot have a healthy and successful relationship. You cannot love someone deeply if you don’t trust them. That’s because only by having trust in our partner, we can be vulnerable with them. Vulnerability exposes us to getting hurt, betrayed, and let down. This makes trust play a paramount importance role in attaining long-term success in a relationship.

Letting go sounds like simple advice but I know that many people including myself struggle to put this into practice. Our emotional attachment to people, circumstances, or things prevents us from doing so. Unfortunately, when we are staying in an incongruent state, we are blocking ourselves from having a life that is true to us.

You can have everything in life when you align your energy with your desire! That’s a golden rule of manifesting. Yet, in my personal experience and working with clients, most of us struggle to let go of what’s no longer serving. This inability to let go is weighing us down from a higher quality of life.

Are you hating yourself?

Feeling like you are nothing?

Uncomfortable in your own skin?

Thinking of never being good enough?

Self-blaming because there is something wrong with yourself?

Those self-rejection patterns signify the existence of a wounded inner child within you. The inner child is not a commonly used term. This is simply a metaphorical term to describe a childlike aspect in an adult’s emotion or behavior. This inner child can be viewed as a sub-personality, aside from your adult’s character that can unconsciously control your reactive behaviors at any given time especially, when feeling unsafe triggered by extreme emotions or facing adversities in life.

Do you wonder if your lover is into you?

Do you feel safe and secure in your relationship?

Are you convinced that he (she) prioritizes you and is committed to you?

If you can’t put your hand in your heart and answer yes to all three questions with absolute certainty, then it’s very likely that your lover is emotionally unavailable. Your relationship is missing intimacy! Intimacy is the glue that holds two people together and enables the creation of a loving and safe space.

Solemn tears were flowing down my cheeks like a river. My hands were shaking as I wrote each word down in my journal – my little black book. The creased black leather cover shows how far we have traveled together through my soul’s valleys of darkness and light. Its brown-looking paper records stories of tears and laughter, thought-provoking reflections, and hidden feelings. My diary is my dearest friend, a reliable friend who has tirelessly been my safe harbor. I loosened my grip and followed my pen’s flow. Rumi’s beautiful poem came to my mind, ‘Choose Love, Love! Without the sweet life of Love, living is a burden – as you have seen.’ Life has never been easy for me, and when I thought it couldn’t get harder, the universe challenged me to grow onto the next level.

Uno, dos, tres, y

(one, two, three, and)

El la’o de tu cama que estaba caliente se está congelando

(The side of your bed that was warm is freezing)

Miro el teléfono y toda’ tus foto’ me están torturando

(I look at the phone and all your photos are torturing me)

No te olvido todavía, quién te dijo esa mentira?

(I haven’t forgotten you yet, who told you that lie?)

Sabes que yo no te olvido”

(You know that I do not forget you)